When I sold my small adobe mud house in Santa Fe, I wasn’t just leaving a home. I was leaving behind what it meant to be living with wildlife on a daily basis. Relationships that had quietly woven themselves into my life over three and a half years.
My house sat at the edge of the woods. Deer and coyotes passed through almost every day. Coyotes called at dusk, and bobcats sat on my patio. Birds announced the mornings and stitched sound into the pinon trees.
One deer family in particular would nap among my juniper, and sometimes stand just outside my window, looking in, like a friendly neighbor checking on me.
Living With Wildlife
Living with wildlife had become so normal that I didn’t realize how deeply it was nourishing me until I had to let it go.
New Mexico was never meant to be my forever home. The altitude slowed me, and the dryness cracked me. My body struggled in ways my heart resisted admitting. I could feel an increasing mismatch between how alive I felt emotionally and how depleted I felt physically.
Still, the thought of leaving my wild neighbors undid me.
Selling the house meant selling most of my things (again). It meant saying goodbye to familiar rhythms I had built, to my half-sisters and nieces, and new friends. But the hardest goodbyes were not human at all.
I grieved the deer, fox, coyotes, bears, cats, and birds who had become part of my life. I missed the presence of these fellow beings who shared the land, the seasons, the quiet.
We don’t often talk about the grief of leaving nonhuman relationships. We talk about leaving jobs, marriages, and cities. We don’t talk about the cost of leaving behind land and wild beings with whom our lives are intertwined.
Saying goodbye to them felt like breaking a promise to live in harmony with them, even though no promise had ever been spoken. I worried about how the new owners would respond to or reject my new wild friends.
Letting go of Santa Fe meant stepping into uncertainty. It meant choosing physical well-being over emotional familiarity. It meant trusting that connection to the wild is not limited to one place, even when it feels deeply rooted there.
I left because my body asked me to listen. And because living with wildlife had taught me that I can carry that connection forward, rather than clinging to where it once lived.
The deer at my window did not follow me.
But the lessons I gained from living with wildlife, to see, to notice, to belong, those lessons came with me.
25 Replies to “When the Deer Looked In: Living with Wildlife”
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You will never be alone, your friends which I include myself, will always be with you. Our hearts go with you and when your sojourn is complete, we will be there for you again. As though we had never been away at all. You might enjoy looking up a kindred spirit, Audrey Sutherland who kayaked solo I to her 90’s from Seattle to Juno at least 6 times. She loved kayaking the inside passage as you love Africa.
Thanks so much Chris for your wonderful comment. Yes, friends are so important and I am lucky to have many, including you, that I appreciate and love.
I will look up Audrey. She sounds like a real inspiration. And I need as much as that as I can get at the moment. Times are a changin…..
Wow, Lori! You are such an inspiration for welcoming or becoming comfortable with change. A year in Africa! You changed our lives with that journey. If you come to SF, you have a home here. Safe journeys and rich experiences! And enriching the lives of others and the animals of course! Love and ?????? In the new year! Laurie
Wow, Lori! You are such an inspiration for welcoming or becoming comfortable with change. A year in Africa! You changed our lives with that journey. If you come to SF, you have a home here. Safe journeys and rich experiences! And enriching the lives of others and the animals of course! Love and ?????? In the new year! Laurie
Thank you Laurie. It was such a pleasure introducing you and Gary to the magic of Africa and witnessing your joy, enrapture, and wonder as we safaried in Kenya. I know the wild beings and African people and special places we visited will be in our hearts forever. thanks for commenting. LvL
Lori, I commend you for your spirit will always quest and you cannot let it rest for long. I would love to hear of your travels and adventures along the way.
You are always the inspiration to me for I too dream of the Gypsy Road. All the Best in the coming new year. Happy Travels
So glad you are moving on the dreams you shared at Lazy Acres this summer!
Happy trails – and many exciting discoveries! xoxo alison
So glad you reminded me that I actually stated it out loud all those months ago. It would not leave me alone. The dream had to manifest itself. So I will journey onwards. LvL
From one gypsy to another – I guess you are right – Gypsys don’t rest for long although I do dream of finding my forever place one day. Just not now. Still too much wandering to do. Thanks for commenting. LvL
So looking forward to hearing about your wonderful adventures. I admire your spirit!
We all in our hearts know that the best things in life are not things at all, but rather our experiences, and you are setting off on a new path of wonderful experiences. I can’t wait to read the next chapter in your story! I just finished a really interesting book called Your Keys Our Home by a couple who sold their home several years ago and just travel the world staying at different Air B&Bs. They are truly experiencing life and culture in other places.
I’m right there with you Lori! Your words are just the ones I needed to read today, I thank you sincerely for that. From one new vagabond to another, I send you the best wishes for adventure, growth, happiness, health, love and connection with your heart’s desires. We only have this life to lead, we are the leaders of all we do and all our choices. I’m so proud of you for recognizing comfort and opting for more.
You are so beautiful and smart.
You are a curious warrior.
You are essential to your core.
You are my friend, wherever you are in the world.
So happy for your new chapter…even in the sunset before the dawn.
Yes, I want to follow your Journey! You inspire me to visit other lands than Hawaii every year. Haha
Hi Lori Best wishes on your journey. Throwing it to the wind means you’re on a spirit track that seems to be shared by many right now. If your travels bring you to Santa Barbara , please let me know…I’d love to get together! And do keep me posted. Your experiences are always enlightening!
all my love
Ann
Dear Ann, Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I hope I am on a spirit track and that the wild beings are leading me.
LvL
Your Hawaii is like my Africa. I love your connection to that place, its people and its wild ones. LvL
Dear Lisa, I like the way you put that – the sunset before the dawn. Yes, sometimes it feels that way but mostly I am moving towards dawn more and more.
Thank you so much for your encouraging loving words. Much appreciate those and you.
LvL
Hi Janey, Thanks for your comment. That book sounds just like something I need to read right now. I do not have many role models in this lifestyle of people in mid-life doing this vagabond thing. I will look into the book. Thanks so much.
LvL
Thank you so much Amanda. I so appreciate you and everyone giving such sweet comments. It helps me to stay on the excited side of my fear. LvL
Lori, your plan to embrace struggle as a solution is inspirational. Your idea reminds me of a good friend who solo hiked the Camino in Spain and France for several months (look up this beloved pilgrimage if you’re unfamiliar with it). She came back, quit her job at Bed Bath and Beyond and moved to a little town in France. She didn’t speak French. Anything you write about your journey, I’m in.
I think it’s an inspired and inspiring idea – please please do blog to record your journey.
Thank you Marianne for the encouragement and for letting me know you would like me to post about my journey. I appreciate your commenting. LvL
Wow what a great story about your friend. I love it! Thanks so much for sharing it in the comments. I think many of us dream of doing something similar but so much gets in our way. As we get older we get entrenched in our lives, and our stuff and find it harder and harder to extricate ourselves to this kind of freedom. But for sure it has its challenges especially because I am moving around and plan to not settle for awhile.
I was raised and born in Africa and have spent my adult life travelling and working in the ‘wilds’. I write about my wildlife journeys because I have actually experienced them first hand. Take the first step. You will never regret it.